My friend John sent me this today. It was published in the fake news comedy column but could just as well had been in the regular news:
We are pleased to announce that Doctor K.W. Kettelby, a Research Assistant in the Department of Molecular Biology, has had his contract extended by two months.
“I am absolutely delighted by the news,” he told The Poppletonian. “Although I’ve been working as a researcher at Poppleton for the past 24 years, this is the first time that I’ve been offered such a long-term contract.”
Professor G.P. Erlich, who confirmed Kettelby’s new appointment, told The Poppletonian that the decision had not been an easy one. “Although Kettelby has been a first-rate researcher in our department for nearly a quarter of a century, all of us on the appointments board were anxious that this extension should not be taken as a sign that he was being given ‘a job for life’.”